August 1, 2021

Romantic Intimates Beware! Don’t let the same mistakes…

Romantic intimates enjoy the getting to know each other process. It’s fun, exciting and new.

But soon, one of the biggest killers of romance creeps in, quite often unnoticed, and all the romance disappears.

Here we look at the “stealth” romance killer, the fourth of our deadly 10.

4) Romance Destroyer: DEMYSTIFICATION

You meet the man at Adultfrienedfinder you believe to be the man of your dreams.

You find his life, experiences, stories, anecdotes and everything about him totally fascinating.

He makes you laugh with his jokes, his one-liners are corny but original, and he’s always so upbeat.

Being around him is such fun! He awakens your senses. You feel so alive in his company…

This is the natural “getting to know each other” process that all romantic intimates share.

One of the reasons this process creates that intimacy between romantic intimates is because they are sharing their experiences of life, their values, their spirituality, their hopes, their dreams, their fears and their pleasant as well as sometimes their sad memories with each other.

They are showing that side of them, that no body else really gets to learn or find out about, sharing secrets, and creating new experiences and memories together.

Understand this: The romance starts first. The intimacy follows.

And the main ingredient to creating that intimacy is this:

YOU ARE ACTIVELY LISTENING TO EACH OTHER WITH A KEEN AND REAL INTEREST.

Of course you can actively listen to other people too, with a keen and real interest, but that doesn’t necessarily make you romantically intimate right?

Well here, we are pre-supposing that other factors are already there, that make you attracted to the person you are with.

However if all those factors are there but the process of ACTIVELY LISTENING TO EACH OTHER WITH A KEEN AND REAL INTEREST isn’t, you will never form the intimate bond that romantic intimates share.

Therefore, it is probably the single most important factor to creating true intimacy between romantic intimates. Period.

Understand this. It’s important.

So what happens?

How does that Romance disappear?

Notice I said the romance NOT the intimacy – once that’s created, nobody can take it away. You know each other at that much deeper level than anyone else does.

You can still be intimate with your man but it’s the element of romance that has gone. It’s the fun, the excitement, the whole thrill of the getting to know each other at a deeper level.

Remember OUR definition of romance?

ROMANCE IS WHATEVER YOU BELIEVE IT TO BE 

Romantic intimates usually associate the fun and excitement of getting to know each other as being the romance stage of a relationship.

Thereafter, the intimacy stays, the romance as they perceive it dwindles, and occasionally shows itself in the form of flowers, or gifts on Valentines Day.

Yes, the flowers, the gifts, the eating out at romantic venues – these are all romantic gestures, and are an important part of romance for romantic intimates.

But that is all they are – romantic gestures. They are not in themselves what people really feel to be romance.

Sometimes, they are perceived as exactly that – Gestures with no romance attached.

Think About it.

At any point in a romantic relationship in your life – When did you feel the most romantically involved?

My guess is – in the “getting to know each other process.”

So for those that think romance is just about buying gifts, or having fancy meals at fancy restaurants together – Did that happen EVERY DAY you met the person you felt so romantically involved with during that time? Were you bought gifts EVERY day? Sent flowers EVERY day?

Is that what made you feel romantically attached to the person?

The answer is almost definitely a no.

You probably felt, just chatting, or the way he put a protective arm around your waist whilst crossing the road, or the smallest of things in that “getting to know each other” process as being incredibly romantic.

You had your romance goggles on.

Quite often, a year or two into a relationship, flowers and other gifts, whilst appreciated, never really recapture that intial feeling or intesity of romance felt in the “getting to know each other” process, or the “early days”.

So now let’s explain the fourth of the ten reasons romantic intimates take their romance goggles off.

DEMYSTIFICATION Ok, Back to the beginning…

You meet the man you believe to be the man of your dreams.

You find his life, experiences, stories, anecdotes and everything about him totally fascinating.

He makes you laugh with his jokes, his one-liners are corny but original, and he’s always so upbeat.

Being around him is such fun! He awakens your senses. You feel so alive in his company…

BUT THEN…

One day, you wake up and go to meet him, and you know everything there is to know about planting rhododendron bushes,

You know all about his time in the army, you know all about his best friend jack and the antics they got up to when they were 10 years old.

So you’re not as enthusiastic about the new rhododendron species he read about and never new existed, you’ll vomit if you hear another military anecdote, and if he mentions that darned Jack one more time!

In a nutshell, you know everything you think there is to know about your man. You get bored.

THE MYSTERY HAS GONE…

and with it your ROMANCE GOGGLES too.

In addition, you put your intimacy building process on hold and learn to survive on the intimacy that has already been created.

YOU STOP ACTIVELY LISTENING TO HIM WITH A KEEN AND REAL INTEREST

and shift to…

PASSIVELY LISTENING WITH LITTLE OR NO REAL INTEREST AT ALL.

Ok, so what can we do to prevent this from happening?

ACTION PLAN FOR ROMANTIC INTIMATES:

Recognise that the same process is equally true in reverse. He probably knows as much about you too in that period of time.

He’s probably hoping that he doesn’t have to spend your time together pretending to find stories of what you and your work colleagues discussed at your weekly team meeting, interesting for the 50th time etc.

Remember one important point:

THIS HAPPENS TO EVERYONE

Let me repeat that – THIS HAPPENS TO EVERYONE.

THE MYSTERY GOES.

Don’t let the fun go with it too.

ACCEPTING that as a natural process of getting to know someone allows you to concentrate your efforts on more productive things.

Don’t be afraid to talk with your partner about how this happens and how you can both recognise it, but don’t need to let your romance and intimacy be paralysed by it.

Concentrate on having a fun time finding new and interesting things to discuss and share with each other.

Don’t forget to notice the small things you love or did love about each other. Keep them alive.

AMPLIFY THEM IN YOUR THOUGHT’S and in importance, and you will automatically amplify the good feelings that go with them.

The smallest things matter.

Finally, just knowing how demystification affects romantic intimates will ensure you keep yourself guarded from letting it spoil the romance in your relationship!

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